If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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