A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
It's Friday. Sex?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
