SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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