yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
