listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
