She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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