i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize