I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
