You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
