Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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