Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
