What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
