Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
