i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
