I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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