it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my phone needs a breathalizer
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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