Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Randomize
