Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize