i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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