i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Im part way to drunk.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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