I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize