i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
