Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
