she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
