had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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