If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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