Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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