your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
