why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
