We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
