fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
