I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
