I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
