Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Two words: nipple clamps
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