i just had sex bonerless
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
