Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
