Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
