he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
