Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
