I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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