oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
