i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
