I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
