There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize