my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
