she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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