Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
