im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
