hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
