I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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