Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
