ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
this boner is exhausting
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
