Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
