My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
