Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
