i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
