she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
