I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
