I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
