are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
