My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
